Right now, I find myself overwhelmed with an abundance of desks but rather lacking in the date department. Due to this, I am willing to trade a hideous desk for a date with an incredibly gorgeous woman.
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I originally bought the desk on Cragslist for 2000 pesos... Though it has served me well for the past year, I most likely overpaid given it's incredible unattractiveness.
The desk has a pale finish that the manufacturers (god bless their little tasteless hearts) probably called "pine". Since the coated particle board bears resembles wood about as much as a Twinkie resembles a pastry, bottle blonde probably serves a better descriptor. The desk does have a working keyboard tray, but is without any useful drawers or compartments. It has a storage piece with overhead cubbies and a difficult-to-open cupboard of bizarrely useless dimensions.
On the other hand, it doesn't wobble. As a matter of fact, it would likely survive incredible trauma. It most definitely would not burn, though if one applied considerable heat to it, it would probably melt while spewing forth toxic fumes. So if you think that you might need to chop up your furniture for fuel any time soon I'd move along to the next posting.
As for me, I can safely say that I look substantially better than the desk. Most people would even say handsome, albeit in a scruffy sort of way. While the desk is light in color, I'm whiter than it, somewhat pale, actually, given my race (Caucasian) I further differ from the desk in lacking a keyboard tray. Instead, I've got all the usual moving bits which I keep in good order. I'm taller than the desk; 177 centimeters while the desk is only 121 centimeters (including the hutch).
My conversational abilities also exceed those of the desk. While I can and will talk about any topic with interest and enthusiasm, the desk remains decidedly quiet when addressed concerning its views. I expect that this has to with its being a desk, but it might eventually speak out if provided with the proper encouragement. I cannot say that I know for sure. It never laughs either, while I love laughing.
Mostly at myself.
While the desk sits there, simply reveling in its desk-ness, I tend to stay busy. In my spare time, I enjoy socializing with a variety of friends over drinks and food and reading while recovering from my indulgences.
Do write me an email should you decide that you desperately need an ugly desk as well as a date with someone of my sort. I suppose I'll consider requests for dates from women uninterested in the desk, though I hate to think of throwing the thing in the trash. If you feel like sending a photo, then I'll reply with one in return.
Of me, I mean. A photo of the desk wouldn't do its ugliness justice. Just imagine that it looks even worse than whatever you've imagined.